I originally wrote this piece for my company’s (New York Life) employee intranet on Sunday evening, June 12, 2016, after this horrific tragedy. Its magnitude gave me the jolt I needed to start the five-year process of writing my own book. I realize that this isn’t a “milestone” anniversary, but when I saw that it was the anniversary – combined with the news of the passing of Lynn Conway – I just felt that it was time to revisit it….read full article
*image credit John Raoux/AP
So much progress, but yet there is still so much to do . . . Especially for my community. As I read this very comprehensive piece I could not get past the fact that so much of the hate and vitriol put forth by those that seek to eradicate trans people are by those that have never actually met a trans person. I have often said, “just give me ten minutes, and I’ll pry open the door to understanding.” My deep concern is that I’m not so sure that I can even get that amount of time anymore. As one of the queer folks quoted in the story so eloquently said, “We’re not scary. We’re not anything. We’re just like you. We’re all different.” I continue to have hope that as more and more generations of #trans and #nonbinary people come out and tell their stories to the world that a greater level of understanding and acceptance can be achieved. Our stories are more powerful than perhaps we realize. Read Article
November can be a strange month for me. Please allow me to explain. You see for me there’s a lot going on this month. First and foremost, it is Transgender Awareness Month, and then there’s Transgender Awareness Week, which culminates in the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). In addition to all of this, I also celebrate a birthday this month, and it all makes for such a swirl of conflicting emotions – especially this year.
It is a time to celebrate trans and gender-diverse people from all walks of life for simply standing up and saying to the world (and in many cases, their parents) this is the REAL me. But at the same time, we also acknowledge those who have paid the ultimate price for living their lives authentically.
The statistics are indeed sobering. According to the Trans Murder Monitoring report, which tracks murders reported in the media each year, 320 (!) trans and gender-diverse people were killed between October 1, 2022, and September 30, 2023. An overwhelming majority of those (94%) were trans women or trans-feminine people, and most were people of color. The numbers speak for themselves, but in truth, one death is far too many.
Lives ended prematurely. Voices silenced. Dreams shattered. Brilliant and beautiful rays of light snuffed out forever.
They were never recognized as the human beings they are: a daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, a friend – a loved one to someone . . . somewhere. They were threads in the fabric of their communities, and they had hope for a better life.
Yes, we celebrate, but we also mourn, and we honor those who are no longer here to join in the celebration.
And all of this is happening at a time when there is so much noise in the air. Misinformation and disinformation fueled by hate and fear abound, and they are creating a level of interference that is making it difficult for the REAL stories about the transgender community to shine and break through the clutter.
So, what do we do as a community?
The answer to that came to me courtesy of the absolutely divine and fabulous Billy Porter who I happened to catch speaking to Seth Meyers on Late Night With Seth Meyers a few weeks back. I honestly have long since forgotten what question of Seth’s he was responding to, but his answer hit me right between the eyes,
“. . . you stand in the fullness of your authenticity.”
Stop for just a moment and let those words wash over you. For me, they elicit feelings of pride, courage, strength, forthrightness, and love. Yes, Love. Love for who you know – or better put – have always known, your authentic self to be. To be fully centered in your own sense of self. To say to the world around you, “Yes, this IS who I am.”
It is from this foundation that all of us in the trans and gender-diverse community – and our beloved allies – must continue to tell our stories. For as I have said a zillion times before, there is immense power in our stories. All our stories. From all walks of life. All ages, races, creeds, and colors. Because our human family is everywhere. It remains our most powerful tool in combating the hate, bigotry, and outright lies being spewed into the atmosphere by those who seek nothing less than our total eradication. Those who somehow fear our uniqueness, that refuse to acknowledge our shared humanity.
So as this month and week of Transgender Awareness draws to a close, let us not forget to love one another, honor those who are no longer with us, and remain steadfast in our struggle for a more just and graceful world.
Being aware of who we are is only the beginning. Standing in the fullness of your authenticity and sharing your truth with the world is what changes hearts and minds.
As I sit down to write this it’s two days before the annual observance that is the Transgender Day of Visibility, or as it is more commonly referred to: TDOV. I am angry and anxious all at the same time. Now mind you it’s not like I never felt like that when I’ve written blog posts or op-eds before, but here’s the thing – this year’s TDOV feels very different to me. Probably because it IS very different. And it’s really not all that hard to explain. It has everything to do with a heightened sense of importance that people, that society writ large, fully and completely understands the moment that the transgender community finds itself in.
We are under attack – from all sides.
With each passing day that another piece of utterly vile legislation is put forth in some Republican-led state legislature, the vice that my community is in as the political wedge issue du jour gets that much tighter. And as I recently stated to my dear friend Fabrice Houdart in our Five Questions piece, “Buckle up, my friend. They’re just warming up!” And that’s because they really are. Think about that for a moment. The 2024 presidential election cycle really hasn’t even cranked up yet, and we are already at nearly 400 anti-trans bills in some form of consideration in state legislatures throughout our country.
But understand this, please: the forces of hate, bigotry, and mis-information are shaping and driving a narrative that seeks only one goal: total eradication of transgender people. And this is not hyperbole – I only wish it were – this is the reality of our moment. It cannot be glossed over; it cannot be whitewashed. As if we needed yet another example, while I was in the middle of writing this, the news broke that the Kentucky state legislature overrode the governor’s veto to pass a bill that is widely viewed as among the most extreme anti-transgender bills in the nation, banning transition care for trans youth and limiting the discussion of gender identity in schools.
So, here’s the thing. I am trans 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I do not choose to be visible just on March 31st. I am visible EVERY DAY. I am visible because that is how I live my best, fullest life. The life that, quite frankly, I deserve to live – that EVERY transgender person deserves to live. I am visible for all my trans siblings that aren’t – yet. I speak up not to hear my own voice, but to give my voice to those in my community that have no voice. As I have said many times, when I first came out, it is because I gained the courage to do so by standing on the shoulders of those transgender individuals that came before me. The very least that I can do is set my shoulders so that those that are to come after me can use them to reach higher heights and greater achievements for themselves and for our community.
So now comes the time where I ask YOU, dear reader, what are you going to do? Right now, right at this inflection point that the transgender movement finds itself. The time to act is NOW. WE NEED YOU! AND for those of you employed in the corporate sector, WE NEED YOUR COMPANIES TOO!
The transgender community can no longer afford to have you and your workplace stand on the sidelines. Especially if you live and work in states where these beyond-harmful bills are being considered or have unfortunately become law. It’s time to get off the bench and get in the game and get involved. It’s time to get your hands dirty. It is time to make “good trouble” (bless you, John Lewis). And if you are at a loss as to where to begin, there are plenty of “how to be an ally” resources on the Interweb. Now is not the time for excuses, or “I’ll get to it later’s.”
The time for VISIBILITY is NOW! And not just today, but for every single day from here on out.
Well, look who showed up on page 79 of GOMagazine’s annual feature of their Pride edition, “Women We Love.” I am beyond thrilled to be included on this list with such an amazing group of women. Especially on this date, when we celebrate the 50th anniversary of Title IX. The work, and the struggle, continue. It indeed takes a village.
I can remember back to one of my first NYC Pride Marches after coming out, grabbing a copy of GO Magazine, and thinking “wouldn’t it be great to be on this list someday?” I love it when things come full circle like that. My heartfelt thanks to everyone at GO Magazine for including me in this incredible collective of voices for change in our world.