Since the election, a lot of our friends – primarily the straight white ones (and a few LGBTQ ones, too) – have tried to assure my wife and me that “everything is going to be okay.” Really?? Is that the best you can do? And, more specifically, I must ask: are you even paying attention?! To be fair, perhaps that’s their own particular coping mechanism coming through, but I have to reiterate, is that the best you can do? The times as they say are a-changing, and they are calling for an elevated brand of allyship. I’ll call it radical allyship.
In any talk I have ever done, when it comes to the “how to be a better ally to the trans community” segment I ask the question, “Are you an ally with a capital “A” or are you an ally with a small “a?” I think that given the current state of affairs, I need to amend that question to “Are you an ally with a capital “A” – in large font, bolded, and underlined?” As you ponder these questions, the answer lies in how you “engage.” If you witness an injustice of any kind towards a trans person – be they friend or colleague – do you embrace the teaching moment and politely (or not so politely, as the case may be) correct the behavior? Or, do you acquiesce and let the moment go by?
I’m sure you get the distinction. Silence condones abhorrent behavior. Action and engagement pushes back and labels the behavior for what it is: hateful, dehumanizing, and wholly inappropriate.
In a world that has become even more hateful and threatening for the transgender community, the concepts of empathy and allyship stand out as not only lifelines but also as beacons of hope. The words of Maya Angelou, “It’s very hard to hate someone if you look them in the eye and recognize them as a human being,” resonate deeply. This sentiment, echoed by Harvey Milk’s question, “How can people change their minds about us if they don’t know who we are?” emphasizes the transformative power of human connection.
True empathy goes beyond simply acknowledging another’s existence; it requires us to engage, to listen, and to seek understanding actively. It means showing up in those crucial “teaching moments,” when we can challenge preconceptions and foster genuine connection. Being an ally, in the truest sense of the word, means standing up for the marginalized or misunderstood, amplifying their voices, and working towards a more inclusive and equitable society.
The souls, the bright rays of light that we have lost this year perhaps would still be here if they were surrounded by people who practiced these virtues as radical allies. While we cannot bring these people back, we can and must stand in solidarity and protect everyone in the transgender community who is the most vulnerable to the lies, misinformation, and utter vitriol heaped upon them by those who seek nothing less than their total eradication – our total eradication.
In these increasingly turbulent times, the call for empathy and a never-before-seen brand of radical allyship is more urgent than ever. By embracing these values, we can begin to build bridges of understanding, dismantle barriers of hate, and create a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.
That is my hope. I pray that it is yours too.
In the spirit of Transgender Awareness Week, I thought it appropriate to share this piece, which was featured in the latest issue of DAPHealth Magazine. My heartfelt thanks go out to Daniel Vaillancourt and the entire team at DAPHealth and Stonewall Medical Center for including me and my amazing son Andrew, who has walked with me on just about every step of my journey to my authentic self.
Like many of you, I have been completely numb to everything around me in my life: my wife, my neighbors, and my family since the results of the election became painfully clear. I have wallowed in despair and fear. I saw no reason to have hope. I felt completely defeated and exhausted. “Another four years of this!?,” I thought to myself. “I can’t go through that again, especially when any media outlet that I trust is telling me that it might actually be WORSE this time around?!” You know what I’m talking about: the whole “no guardrails” argument. And, hey, who am I to argue with that?
I was, and only until a day or so ago, completely paralyzed by an unbearable and unshakable sense of dread.
I have always said to anyone who cared to listen, that among many other things, “if you cut me, I bleed – just like you, I pay taxes – just like you, and if you cut me off in traffic I’m going to be really pissed off – just like you.”
It is only those who actively trade in fear and hate that cannot see what is patently obvious to everyone else: we are all Americans. We are all Humans, living in a society that is, in fact, strengthened by our differences: the cultures we grew up in, our traditions, and our choices to live authentically in the only place in the world where our ancestors and relatives felt they could have a better life.
When my book was first published, back in 2021, my dear friend and publicist at the time, Cathy Renna, secured an op-ed for me in The Advocate. As I sat down to put my thoughts into these words, I immediately thought of that piece and how it still resonates to this day. While I do not claim to be any sort of Nostradamus by any means, it struck me that the issues I addressed then are even more relevant today. The transgender community isn’t just being thrown under the bus, we are being set up for nothing less than total eradication by those who seek to “govern” our country. Harsh words? Perhaps. The reality of today? Absolutely!
Please take a moment to read it here:
But as hard as it may be for many of you – including me! – to get up and shake off the malaise that the outcome has produced and get back to work at defending our community, we simply have to, there is no other choice.
It was an honor then, as it is today, to have shared this episode with my amazing colleagues in the Movement: Chris Mossiah, Rej J., and Gentle Ramirez! A huge THANK YOU to Farah Bala, PCC and the entire FARSIGHT Chats team for elevating this topic which, while deeply personal for me, is even more relevant today than when we first recorded and released it! Truly a sign of our times, and of the work we must all do to ensure our workplaces are as inclusive as possible.
Episode Description
FARSIGHT Chats host Farah Bala engages in a discussion on gender identity, focusing on inclusion, allyship, and advocacy.
Special guests Stephanie Battaglino, Chris Mossiah, Gentle Ramirez, and Rej Joo share their experiences and challenges within the LGBTQ+ community, particularly highlighting trans and non-binary identities.
Topics of discussion include:
ADVOCACY vs ALLYSHIP: The need for active advocates rather than passive allies in supporting the LGBTQ+ community.
VISIBILITY & SAFETY: Increased visibility of trans people has led to more recognition but also more targeted attacks and legislative challenges.
RAINBOW WASHING: Corporations often use LGBTQ+ imagery for marketing during Pride Month without taking substantive action to support the community.
INTERSECTIONALITY: The importance of understanding the diverse experiences within the trans community, influenced by factors like race and socioeconomic status.
PARENTAL SUPPORT: How parents can support their gender non-conforming children through affirmation, education, and community building.
ADDRESSING INAPPROPRIATE QUESTIONS: Strategies for responding to intrusive questions about gender identity and transition.
I originally wrote this piece for my company’s (New York Life) employee intranet on Sunday evening, June 12, 2016, after this horrific tragedy. Its magnitude gave me the jolt I needed to start the five-year process of writing my own book. I realize that this isn’t a “milestone” anniversary, but when I saw that it was the anniversary – combined with the news of the passing of Lynn Conway – I just felt that it was time to revisit it….read full article
*image credit John Raoux/AP