In the spirit of Transgender Awareness Week, I thought it appropriate to share this piece, which was featured in the latest issue of DAPHealth Magazine. My heartfelt thanks go out to Daniel Vaillancourt and the entire team at DAPHealth and Stonewall Medical Center for including me and my amazing son Andrew, who has walked with me on just about every step of my journey to my authentic self.
Like many of you, I have been completely numb to everything around me in my life: my wife, my neighbors, and my family since the results of the election became painfully clear. I have wallowed in despair and fear. I saw no reason to have hope. I felt completely defeated and exhausted. “Another four years of this!?,” I thought to myself. “I can’t go through that again, especially when any media outlet that I trust is telling me that it might actually be WORSE this time around?!” You know what I’m talking about: the whole “no guardrails” argument. And, hey, who am I to argue with that?
I was, and only until a day or so ago, completely paralyzed by an unbearable and unshakable sense of dread.
I have always said to anyone who cared to listen, that among many other things, “if you cut me, I bleed – just like you, I pay taxes – just like you, and if you cut me off in traffic I’m going to be really pissed off – just like you.”
It is only those who actively trade in fear and hate that cannot see what is patently obvious to everyone else: we are all Americans. We are all Humans, living in a society that is, in fact, strengthened by our differences: the cultures we grew up in, our traditions, and our choices to live authentically in the only place in the world where our ancestors and relatives felt they could have a better life.
When my book was first published, back in 2021, my dear friend and publicist at the time, Cathy Renna, secured an op-ed for me in The Advocate. As I sat down to put my thoughts into these words, I immediately thought of that piece and how it still resonates to this day. While I do not claim to be any sort of Nostradamus by any means, it struck me that the issues I addressed then are even more relevant today. The transgender community isn’t just being thrown under the bus, we are being set up for nothing less than total eradication by those who seek to “govern” our country. Harsh words? Perhaps. The reality of today? Absolutely!
Please take a moment to read it here:
But as hard as it may be for many of you – including me! – to get up and shake off the malaise that the outcome has produced and get back to work at defending our community, we simply have to, there is no other choice.
It was an honor then, as it is today, to have shared this episode with my amazing colleagues in the Movement: Chris Mossiah, Rej J., and Gentle Ramirez! A huge THANK YOU to Farah Bala, PCC and the entire FARSIGHT Chats team for elevating this topic which, while deeply personal for me, is even more relevant today than when we first recorded and released it! Truly a sign of our times, and of the work we must all do to ensure our workplaces are as inclusive as possible.
Episode Description
FARSIGHT Chats host Farah Bala engages in a discussion on gender identity, focusing on inclusion, allyship, and advocacy.
Special guests Stephanie Battaglino, Chris Mossiah, Gentle Ramirez, and Rej Joo share their experiences and challenges within the LGBTQ+ community, particularly highlighting trans and non-binary identities.
Topics of discussion include:
ADVOCACY vs ALLYSHIP: The need for active advocates rather than passive allies in supporting the LGBTQ+ community.
VISIBILITY & SAFETY: Increased visibility of trans people has led to more recognition but also more targeted attacks and legislative challenges.
RAINBOW WASHING: Corporations often use LGBTQ+ imagery for marketing during Pride Month without taking substantive action to support the community.
INTERSECTIONALITY: The importance of understanding the diverse experiences within the trans community, influenced by factors like race and socioeconomic status.
PARENTAL SUPPORT: How parents can support their gender non-conforming children through affirmation, education, and community building.
ADDRESSING INAPPROPRIATE QUESTIONS: Strategies for responding to intrusive questions about gender identity and transition.
I originally wrote this piece for my company’s (New York Life) employee intranet on Sunday evening, June 12, 2016, after this horrific tragedy. Its magnitude gave me the jolt I needed to start the five-year process of writing my own book. I realize that this isn’t a “milestone” anniversary, but when I saw that it was the anniversary – combined with the news of the passing of Lynn Conway – I just felt that it was time to revisit it….read full article
*image credit John Raoux/AP
You might have noticed (probably not, actually . . .) that I have been off of LinkedIn since July for some much-needed R&R and overdue self-care. While I fully realize that the beat definitely goes on with respect to all of the utter nonsense directed at the transgender community and the LGBTQ+ community more broadly, after some serious soul-searching and concern for my overall state of mind, I made the decision to completely disconnect. Not forever, mind you (I’m not quite ready for that!), but temporarily so that I could push the proverbial reset button on my psyche and come back stronger for what I am sure will be an epic onslaught of hate-filled and misinformed diatribe as the 2024 presidential election cycle heats up.
For the better part of two months, my wife Mari and I stumbled through Europe – mostly at sea on the cruise ships we were on – but also by air and train. We were fortunate to visit places like Norway (and cross the Arctic Circle to North Cape – the northernmost point in Europe, the British Isles, Spain, France, Italy, Greece, and Malta (just a few weeks before they hosted EuroPride). And we even made it to Paris for a few days, as we made our way back from the Mediterranean to Amsterdam, where our ship took us to the utterly amazing and totally breathtaking landscapes of Iceland, Greenland, Newfoundland, and Nova Scotia. Fjords, waterfalls, glaciers, the Midnight Sun, and yes, even the Northern Lights! Without a doubt, it was, and will always be, a trip of a lifetime.
But an interesting, and I’ll admit unexpected, thing happened at virtually every stop – Pride was everywhere. Fully inclusive Pride flags and trans flags seemed to show up at every turn of our journey. While in Belfast we missed their Pride celebration by a day. But luckily, we were scheduled to be in Liverpool the next day, so a quick Google search revealed that we would be there for their Pride celebration. And it was wonderful! Standing along the parade route and cheering support for not only our trans siblings but for everyone marching in solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community – and there were many – was truly a magical moment for us both.
While our Liverpool experience will always be the highlight, we encountered bold symbols of inclusion in places like Stavanger, Norway and Ísafjörður, Iceland; St. John’s, Newfoundland and Sydney, Nova Scotia. And throughout central Europe in Valetta, Malta, and in Paris too.
And it all gave me hope. Hope that perhaps the world wasn’t spiraling down into a cesspool of hate and derision. Hope that maybe, just maybe, there was enough compassion, humanity, and grace left on this earth to bend the narrative to truth and love for ALL of our fellow human beings. As I have been told by more than one person in my lifetime so far: I hope well.
As an openly LGBTQ+ American traveling overseas I will admit to feeling more than a bit embarrassed by the clown show that is our political landscape. It followed us everywhere it seemed, as a number of the Europeans we met all wanted to talk to us about that. Especially in Italy, where things have gotten very bad under their neo-fascist prime minister, Giorgia Meloni. Our guide in Livorno spoke to us practically in tears about how her gay brother had to move to the U.K. because he feared for his safety. And apparently, he was not at all alone in his need to flee.
Now that I’m home, and slowly re-engaging, I see quite clearly that the myriad voices in our movement remain strong and vibrant. Their calls for justice and decency are emphatic and unequivocal: we will win and we will not be erased. I remain hopeful that these voices will never be silenced. I forever stand in solidarity with them, and it is an honor and a privilege to be counted among them. As I reflect on my place in all of it, I count my blessings every single day for the continuing journey that is my life.