Like many of you, I have been completely numb to everything around me in my life: my wife, my neighbors, and my family since the results of the election became painfully clear. I have wallowed in despair and fear. I saw no reason to have hope. I felt completely defeated and exhausted. “Another four years of this!?,” I thought to myself. “I can’t go through that again, especially when any media outlet that I trust is telling me that it might actually be WORSE this time around?!” You know what I’m talking about: the whole “no guardrails” argument. And, hey, who am I to argue with that?
I was, and only until a day or so ago, completely paralyzed by an unbearable and unshakable sense of dread.
I have always said to anyone who cared to listen, that among many other things, “if you cut me, I bleed – just like you, I pay taxes – just like you, and if you cut me off in traffic I’m going to be really pissed off – just like you.”
It is only those who actively trade in fear and hate that cannot see what is patently obvious to everyone else: we are all Americans. We are all Humans, living in a society that is, in fact, strengthened by our differences: the cultures we grew up in, our traditions, and our choices to live authentically in the only place in the world where our ancestors and relatives felt they could have a better life.
When my book was first published, back in 2021, my dear friend and publicist at the time, Cathy Renna, secured an op-ed for me in The Advocate. As I sat down to put my thoughts into these words, I immediately thought of that piece and how it still resonates to this day. While I do not claim to be any sort of Nostradamus by any means, it struck me that the issues I addressed then are even more relevant today. The transgender community isn’t just being thrown under the bus, we are being set up for nothing less than total eradication by those who seek to “govern” our country. Harsh words? Perhaps. The reality of today? Absolutely!
Please take a moment to read it here:
But as hard as it may be for many of you – including me! – to get up and shake off the malaise that the outcome has produced and get back to work at defending our community, we simply have to, there is no other choice.
November can be a strange month for me. Please allow me to explain. You see for me there’s a lot going on this month. First and foremost, it is Transgender Awareness Month, and then there’s Transgender Awareness Week, which culminates in the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). In addition to all of this, I also celebrate a birthday this month, and it all makes for such a swirl of conflicting emotions – especially this year.
It is a time to celebrate trans and gender-diverse people from all walks of life for simply standing up and saying to the world (and in many cases, their parents) this is the REAL me. But at the same time, we also acknowledge those who have paid the ultimate price for living their lives authentically.
The statistics are indeed sobering. According to the Trans Murder Monitoring report, which tracks murders reported in the media each year, 320 (!) trans and gender-diverse people were killed between October 1, 2022, and September 30, 2023. An overwhelming majority of those (94%) were trans women or trans-feminine people, and most were people of color. The numbers speak for themselves, but in truth, one death is far too many.
Lives ended prematurely. Voices silenced. Dreams shattered. Brilliant and beautiful rays of light snuffed out forever.
They were never recognized as the human beings they are: a daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, a friend – a loved one to someone . . . somewhere. They were threads in the fabric of their communities, and they had hope for a better life.
Yes, we celebrate, but we also mourn, and we honor those who are no longer here to join in the celebration.
And all of this is happening at a time when there is so much noise in the air. Misinformation and disinformation fueled by hate and fear abound, and they are creating a level of interference that is making it difficult for the REAL stories about the transgender community to shine and break through the clutter.
So, what do we do as a community?
The answer to that came to me courtesy of the absolutely divine and fabulous Billy Porter who I happened to catch speaking to Seth Meyers on Late Night With Seth Meyers a few weeks back. I honestly have long since forgotten what question of Seth’s he was responding to, but his answer hit me right between the eyes,
“. . . you stand in the fullness of your authenticity.”
Stop for just a moment and let those words wash over you. For me, they elicit feelings of pride, courage, strength, forthrightness, and love. Yes, Love. Love for who you know – or better put – have always known, your authentic self to be. To be fully centered in your own sense of self. To say to the world around you, “Yes, this IS who I am.”
It is from this foundation that all of us in the trans and gender-diverse community – and our beloved allies – must continue to tell our stories. For as I have said a zillion times before, there is immense power in our stories. All our stories. From all walks of life. All ages, races, creeds, and colors. Because our human family is everywhere. It remains our most powerful tool in combating the hate, bigotry, and outright lies being spewed into the atmosphere by those who seek nothing less than our total eradication. Those who somehow fear our uniqueness, that refuse to acknowledge our shared humanity.
So as this month and week of Transgender Awareness draws to a close, let us not forget to love one another, honor those who are no longer with us, and remain steadfast in our struggle for a more just and graceful world.
Being aware of who we are is only the beginning. Standing in the fullness of your authenticity and sharing your truth with the world is what changes hearts and minds.
Somehow in the blur that was the month of March, I completely missed this WONDERFUL, thought-provoking piece from the ACLU‘s #WomensRightsProject director Ria Tabacco Mar.
I speak often about how the warm embrace of my #cisgender female colleagues greatly aided me after I came out in my workplace, and how, as I continued to live into my authentic self at work, I found myself living at the intersection of gender equity and gender inequality. Reading this piece made me realize how much transwomen share the same space in the battle that is the women’s rights movement. As Ria so aptly points out, “Not only is there no conflict between demanding rights for women and for all transgender people, advances in #trans #rights hold a specific promise for women’s liberation. . . Defending trans people is not only a moral duty for the #feminist #movement; it is central to it.” Thank you for standing in #solidarity with my #community, my sister!
Trans Rights Are Women’s Rights
As we move from Black History Month #blackhistorymonth and into Women’s History Month, #womenshistorymonth, the beautiful and poignant words of Maya Angelou #mayaangelou give me hope at a time when there is so much hate and bigotry directed at the transgender community. If only those that seek to legislate us out of existence would stop the nonsense and embrace the indisputable fact that we are . . . One Human Family . . . .
“I note the obvious differences
In the human family.
Some of us are serious,
Some thrive on comedy.
Some declare their lives are lived
As true profundity,
And others claim they really live
The real reality.
The variety of our skin tones
Can confuse, bemuse, delight,
Brown and pink and beige and purple,
Tan and blue and white.
I’ve sailed upon the seven seas
And stopped in every land,
I’ve seen the wonders of the world
Not yet one common man.
I know ten thousand women
Called Jane and Mary Jane,
But I’ve not seen any two
Who really were the same.
Mirror twins are different
Although their features jibe,
And lovers think quite different thoughts
While lying side by side.
We love and lose in China,
We weep on England’s moors,
And laugh and moan in Guinea,
And thrive on Spanish shores.
We seek success in Finland,
Are born and die in Maine.
In minor ways we differ,
In major we’re the same.
I note the obvious differences
Between each sort and type,
But we are more alike, my friends,
Than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends,
Than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends,
Than we are unalike.
Songwriters: Maya Angelou / Shawn Rivera
My colleague in The Movement, Erin Reed, does an absolutely amazing job of tracking all of the hate-filled anti-transgender bills in various states of consideration across the U.S. in her #ErinInTheMorning column on #Substack. The total number of bills is both jaw-dropping and frightening: 370!! But remember, to be a strong ally, means being an INFORMED ally!
Anti-trans bills are proliferating throughout the United States – 367 in total – making it daunting to keep track of them all. Rather than inundate readers with details, this overview will provide a bird’s eye view of the major trends we are seeing… Read Full Article