November can be a strange month for me. Please allow me to explain. You see for me there’s a lot going on this month. First and foremost, it is Transgender Awareness Month, and then there’s Transgender Awareness Week, which culminates in the annual Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR). In addition to all of this, I also celebrate a birthday this month, and it all makes for such a swirl of conflicting emotions – especially this year.
It is a time to celebrate trans and gender-diverse people from all walks of life for simply standing up and saying to the world (and in many cases, their parents) this is the REAL me. But at the same time, we also acknowledge those who have paid the ultimate price for living their lives authentically.
The statistics are indeed sobering. According to the Trans Murder Monitoring report, which tracks murders reported in the media each year, 320 (!) trans and gender-diverse people were killed between October 1, 2022, and September 30, 2023. An overwhelming majority of those (94%) were trans women or trans-feminine people, and most were people of color. The numbers speak for themselves, but in truth, one death is far too many.
Lives ended prematurely. Voices silenced. Dreams shattered. Brilliant and beautiful rays of light snuffed out forever.
They were never recognized as the human beings they are: a daughter, a son, a brother, a sister, a friend – a loved one to someone . . . somewhere. They were threads in the fabric of their communities, and they had hope for a better life.
Yes, we celebrate, but we also mourn, and we honor those who are no longer here to join in the celebration.
And all of this is happening at a time when there is so much noise in the air. Misinformation and disinformation fueled by hate and fear abound, and they are creating a level of interference that is making it difficult for the REAL stories about the transgender community to shine and break through the clutter.
So, what do we do as a community?
The answer to that came to me courtesy of the absolutely divine and fabulous Billy Porter who I happened to catch speaking to Seth Meyers on Late Night With Seth Meyers a few weeks back. I honestly have long since forgotten what question of Seth’s he was responding to, but his answer hit me right between the eyes,
“. . . you stand in the fullness of your authenticity.”
Stop for just a moment and let those words wash over you. For me, they elicit feelings of pride, courage, strength, forthrightness, and love. Yes, Love. Love for who you know – or better put – have always known, your authentic self to be. To be fully centered in your own sense of self. To say to the world around you, “Yes, this IS who I am.”
It is from this foundation that all of us in the trans and gender-diverse community – and our beloved allies – must continue to tell our stories. For as I have said a zillion times before, there is immense power in our stories. All our stories. From all walks of life. All ages, races, creeds, and colors. Because our human family is everywhere. It remains our most powerful tool in combating the hate, bigotry, and outright lies being spewed into the atmosphere by those who seek nothing less than our total eradication. Those who somehow fear our uniqueness, that refuse to acknowledge our shared humanity.
So as this month and week of Transgender Awareness draws to a close, let us not forget to love one another, honor those who are no longer with us, and remain steadfast in our struggle for a more just and graceful world.
Being aware of who we are is only the beginning. Standing in the fullness of your authenticity and sharing your truth with the world is what changes hearts and minds.
As I sit down to write this it’s two days before the annual observance that is the Transgender Day of Visibility, or as it is more commonly referred to: TDOV. I am angry and anxious all at the same time. Now mind you it’s not like I never felt like that when I’ve written blog posts or op-eds before, but here’s the thing – this year’s TDOV feels very different to me. Probably because it IS very different. And it’s really not all that hard to explain. It has everything to do with a heightened sense of importance that people, that society writ large, fully and completely understands the moment that the transgender community finds itself in.
We are under attack – from all sides.
With each passing day that another piece of utterly vile legislation is put forth in some Republican-led state legislature, the vice that my community is in as the political wedge issue du jour gets that much tighter. And as I recently stated to my dear friend Fabrice Houdart in our Five Questions piece, “Buckle up, my friend. They’re just warming up!” And that’s because they really are. Think about that for a moment. The 2024 presidential election cycle really hasn’t even cranked up yet, and we are already at nearly 400 anti-trans bills in some form of consideration in state legislatures throughout our country.
But understand this, please: the forces of hate, bigotry, and mis-information are shaping and driving a narrative that seeks only one goal: total eradication of transgender people. And this is not hyperbole – I only wish it were – this is the reality of our moment. It cannot be glossed over; it cannot be whitewashed. As if we needed yet another example, while I was in the middle of writing this, the news broke that the Kentucky state legislature overrode the governor’s veto to pass a bill that is widely viewed as among the most extreme anti-transgender bills in the nation, banning transition care for trans youth and limiting the discussion of gender identity in schools.
So, here’s the thing. I am trans 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I do not choose to be visible just on March 31st. I am visible EVERY DAY. I am visible because that is how I live my best, fullest life. The life that, quite frankly, I deserve to live – that EVERY transgender person deserves to live. I am visible for all my trans siblings that aren’t – yet. I speak up not to hear my own voice, but to give my voice to those in my community that have no voice. As I have said many times, when I first came out, it is because I gained the courage to do so by standing on the shoulders of those transgender individuals that came before me. The very least that I can do is set my shoulders so that those that are to come after me can use them to reach higher heights and greater achievements for themselves and for our community.
So now comes the time where I ask YOU, dear reader, what are you going to do? Right now, right at this inflection point that the transgender movement finds itself. The time to act is NOW. WE NEED YOU! AND for those of you employed in the corporate sector, WE NEED YOUR COMPANIES TOO!
The transgender community can no longer afford to have you and your workplace stand on the sidelines. Especially if you live and work in states where these beyond-harmful bills are being considered or have unfortunately become law. It’s time to get off the bench and get in the game and get involved. It’s time to get your hands dirty. It is time to make “good trouble” (bless you, John Lewis). And if you are at a loss as to where to begin, there are plenty of “how to be an ally” resources on the Interweb. Now is not the time for excuses, or “I’ll get to it later’s.”
The time for VISIBILITY is NOW! And not just today, but for every single day from here on out.
With Transgender Day of Visibility here once again, I find myself thinking a lot about the word vulnerability. At one of my most recent speaking engagements I challenged the audience with this question, “What is your relationship with vulnerability?” I’m willing to bet that for many of you reading this, that is something that you rarely think about – because why would you in the first place? You may find yourself in the fortunate position of being gainfully employed, with a roof over your head and food in the cupboard. So why would a concept like vulnerability ever enter your stream of consciousness? The simple answers to these questions are that you wouldn’t – probably never. And judging by the collective “Hmmmm” sound the audience made I doubt they had too.
The exact opposite, however, is true for far too many transgender people who choose to be visible in our society. By being visible as their authentic selves they risk being vilified by those who choose hate and fear over knowledge and allyship. And for transwomen of color, this can be particularly dangerous, leading to being victims of violence at alarming levels. Everywhere we turn it seems as though there is another anti-trans bill being rushed through conservative-led statehouses that seek nothing more than to eradicate the existence of transgender people of all ages.
But what choice is there? To remain silent and shuttered away never to be seen in public is simply not an option. Yes, we are different – and if you stop long enough to listen to the stories of our journeys to our authentic selves, trust me, you’ll be moved because they are powerful beyond measure.
But there’s another side to vulnerability that I’d like to bring to your attention. As we begin to change the narrative that seeks to position my entire community as a political wedge issue it is vitally important that we have ever-increasing numbers of allies by our side, standing in solidarity with our quest for equality and inclusion. And at the very core of allyship is education. I have learned over 17 years of talks and trainings that for learning to truly happen, one must allow themselves to be vulnerable. To say to yourself, or out loud, “I don’t know everything, but I’m willing to learn.” It is at that precise moment that the heart, the mind, and the soul open and allows teaching to take hold.
By being intentional about learning and allowing that experience to fuel our allyship is how we begin to move the needle on equality and inclusion for transgender individuals of all stripes and all ages. It can be a truly transformative experience – if you let it. And that’s something to consider not just on the Transgender Day of Visibility, but every day of the year.